B-Yoo-Ti-Full

 1. Having qualities that delight the senses, especially the sense of sight.

2. Excellent; wonderful.

The definition above is taken from thefreedictionary.com .


To put in simply, beautiful is a word that is most commonly used to describe a person's face. Now, we simply don't use beautiful to describe personalities anymore, except if u have saved a/a lot homeless people, feed a/a lot homeless people, save a/a lot people from dying... you get the drift.


And some women, including myself seem to hold this belief as a holy grail. Whether is it used to please yourself or others, it's always a wonderful thing to hear ourselves to be praised as "you're so beautiful" "you look so good in this dress" "WOW! You're so pretty tonight" And to achieve that, almost all women buy cosmetics/ health products/ supplements/ collagen/ seemingly-miracle-pills-that-apparently-make-you-look-like-a-goddess stuff to make self beautiful. 


But beauty is so underated nowadays. People don't think a girl is beautiful unless possess at least 5 of these qualities: 
1. High nose bridge
2. Small cherry lips
3. Big eyes
4. Long lashes
5. Slim body


No. Not only guys, apparently some girls think like that too. We keep thinking, why are they so beautiful? I wanna be like them too! 
So, some of us starve to death to keep a slender body, while others apply tons of makeup to get the "fresh dewy look". Some took a more drastic approach and go for plastic surgery, while some just give up and turn fat. 


I am one of those people. 


I try to be cheerful and make jokes about my weight but bottom line is I.Am.Overweight. Yes, I am always concious about it. Yes, I am trying very hard to get rid of the excess. No. I do not want to listen to self- assurance excuses like "I'm one of those people that looks good when fat! I would look terrible if I am thin!" or "I look waaay cuter in this dress than xxxx ! Hell no to those skinny bitches! Hey! Can I get a XXL size in this? " This is what started the whole weight gain thing anyway. 


I know I am fat, I know I am unhealthy, and people have been reminding me. Especially my mother. My mother is health maniac that thinks obesity is the worse decease known to humanity. She have been giving me a lot of reminders in sense of my weight, making subtle comments. Yes, I know. I am just not brave enough to admit it. 


Weight gain is a horrible thing to handle. I tried all of the work out tips that I found from the internet. I know that a tedious workout will never work out for me because I am lazy. This is something that I cannot deny. Then I started to look for healthy food tips. And it didn't work out also because most of it requires cooking and I can't cook. Really, my food will poison a horde of hungry, obese rats. 


And finally, I resort to the last straw: Diet pills. 


I know it will harm my body even if it is advertised as a health supplement. And it doesn't do much to my weight either. In fact I thought that taking those pills makes me heavier because it says at the cover that I can still eat whatever I want. No girls. It doesn't work that way.


So I decided to go for the hard way. In counselling, we have a term for this: goal setting. 

In one year, I am going to lose 15kg, improve my skin, and going to be gorgeous